Europe this week delivered some of the most absurd football we’ve seen all season. Its absurdity was felt in a variety of ways, it made us overjoyed, miserable, and astounded. There are only three games to cover ahead of two cup finals in a few weeks, but let’s go back to Tuesday, and one of the funniest Champions League semi-finals of all time (at least for me).
PSG 0-1 Borussia Dortmund (0-2 aggregate) – Champions League Semi-Final
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Turns out the side funded by blood money from an authoritarian slave state couldn’t beat Edin Terzić. In the last article, I said that failure to advance for PSG would be their most shocking exit since Barcelona’s comeback in 2017. In reality though, most of their exits since have been equally as terrible from their perspective, they’ve only made it out of the Round of 16 on three occasions, once losing to a blood money side with even less history than themselves, the other time making it to the final only to lose to a former youth product and Bayern. For a club that obsesses over the Champions League, that is truly pathetic. The only goal of the game came in the 50th minute when Julian Brandt found a wide-open Mats Hummels in the box to head in a corner. Hummels had a great game along with the rest of the Dortmund defence despite the pressure they were put under by their Parisian hosts. It was PSG who dominated most of the game, but Dortmund did just about enough to win 1-0 and seal the most unlikely trip to the Champions League final.
Dortmund have been underwhelming at best in the league, and they were lifeless in the cup, but this Champions League run has been spectacular. At every step, we’ve doubted them, with good reason as well, but they’ve managed to deal with everything they’ve faced. Dortmund have been uncharacteristically confident in the Champions League, I fully expected their nerves to get the better of them, yet they didn’t. Maybe it is when they’re doubted that Terzić is finally able to shine as a coach and get his team to play to their potential. They only came alive in the title race last year when they already seemed dead, and they’ve been better this season in the Champions League when they’ve not been favoured. Sure they’ve made mistakes in Europe, but they’ve always been able to recover. They shouldn’t be better in the Champions League than in the league and cup, but have been. They’re once again second favourites for the final, and by a big margin as well. But this run has taught us to not assume anything when it comes to Borussia Dortmund this season.
Of course, there is another side to this story, and whilst this is a German football website, what’s happened to PSG is fascinating. As mentioned, their record in Europe is abysmal considering how much money they spend and how much importance they place in this competition. My theory is since they’re able to coast through the majority of games they play in a season, they’re unable to increase the intensity and energy when they need to. In this way, their biggest detriment is how easy they find Ligue 1. A lot will be made about how PSG didn’t seem to have luck on their side in this game, they managed to hit to woodwork an absurd four times in the second half. I personally though think it wrong to call that bad luck, some of those chances were optimistic at best, and others really should have been converted, especially Warren Zaire-Emery’s chance at the back post. PSG had 30 shots in this game, but only five of them were on target. For a team that has spent so much money, especially on those up front, that is simply not good enough. Add that to the first leg at the Westfalenstadion and you come to 44 shots over the two games (to Dortmund’s 20) and just 8 on target, the same number that Dortmund had despite the Germans having less than half the number of shots. For everything that can be said about the likes of Kylian Mbappe, Ousmane Dembélé, and the rest of that high-powered attack, they were terrible in both legs. It’s why I’m reluctant to label this game as an overwhelming Dortmund success, yes they played somewhat well and should be praised, but they faced a PSG side who got in their own way and didn’t deserve anything. They won’t get that in the final.
For a team that has spent so much money as well, you’d think the rest of the team would be world-class, but barring Vitinha, no one even had a half-decent game for the French champions. Their defence looks poor compared to most teams in the Champions League, let alone the best ones. PSG are not as bad at managing money as Chelsea, but when you look at their squad, they do not look like a side that costs as much as they do. It’ll be interesting for the rest of us to see where the Parisians go from here, Mbappe is almost certainly leaving in the summer to complete a childhood dream and join Real Madrid. That leaves a major hole in their attack that they have to fill with someone and the rest of the squad feels like it needs a rebuild as well. PSG will probably win the Champions League someday, but that day doesn’t feel like it’s coming soon.
As for Dortmund, they probably watched the next game incredibly hungover, but on Wednesday, the side got to find out who they would be taking on in the final.
Real Madrid 2-1 Bayern (4-3 aggregate) – Champions League Semi-Final
We were so close; we were almost there. I had mentally planned what I was going to write about Bayern’s progression to the final, how funny it was that the last Wembley final was also Dortmund vs Bayern and how I had laughed off the idea of that repeating earlier in the season. That was cruelly taken away from us though in the closing stages of Wednesday’s game. The second semi-final had mostly been a tense and cagey affair through the opening half, neither side made too many inroads into the opposition box and it was hard to call anything at half-time.
In the final 45, everything changed. Real went on the front foot and looked like they were certainly going to be the first to score. However, in the 68th minute, a Bayern counterattack would see Alphonso Davies get the ball on the left wing, cut inside the box, and fire a fantastic shot into the top corner of Andriy Lunin’s goal. It looked like it was one of the all-time iconic Champions League goals, coming from someone as well who has not been that great this season, and who has never scored in the Champions League before this game. I could start to dream about the all-German Champions League final that I was now realising I really, desperately wanted. Real Madrid though do have an uncanny ability to create magic out of nowhere in this competition (even if they want to leave it) and entering the final few minutes of the game, we all knew it wasn’t over. When Real Madrid had dominated the opening stages of the second half, the one thing that was preventing them from taking the lead was the exceptional goalkeeping of Manuel Neuer, he had pulled out quite a few world-class saves to keep the game goalless. Whilst Bayern were leading, he was on course to be the man of the match. That stopped being the case in the 88th minute, Neuer spilled a simple shot from Vincius Jr to allow Los Blancos to equalise, and three minutes later, Bayern’s defence would allow the prior goal scorer to remain wide open in the box to tap in an Antonio Rüdiger cross. The guy who scored both goals? Joselu. Yes, really, the former Stoke and Espanyol striker, the guy who Real Madrid signed because they realised they had no strikers at all and just needed someone who could stand up the pitch, he was the guy who knocked Bayern out of Europe.
It’s bad enough for Bayern that it was Joselu who slain them, but multiple other problems need to be addressed. Leading 1-0 in the 84th minute, Thomas Tuchel unsurprisingly decided to go defensive, taking off Jamal Musiala and Harry Kane in favour of Thomas Müller and a Kim Min-jae who had played terribly in the first leg. Bayern moved to five at the back and looked to hold on to their lead. They conceded twice in the next seven minutes. Kim wasn’t even the reason for this, Bayern just switched to a strategy that the Madridistas were able to instantly exploit. That’s on Tuchel and hopefully, this will quieten all those asking for the manager to remain at the club past the end of the season. Real Madrid’s Champions League aura will take much of the attention, but this is one of the biggest mistakes Tuchel has made in his time at Bayern and it’s why we won’t be getting a rematch of the 2012/13 final. Not that his game in general was better, Tuchel coached like he was scared of his opponents and if it wasn’t for the number of great saves that Neuer made before his mistake, the flaws of his strategy would have been seen well before the 88th minute. It would be wrong of me to not mention that Bayern had a perfect chance to score ruled out for an erroneous offside call from the linesman, but he apologised to Matthijs de Ligt and we all make mistakes, compared to those that Tuchel made, it was nothing.
Even as someone who doesn’t support Bayern, as someone who only wanted them to win because of the Super League and the desire for a Der Klassiker final rematch, this game made me more miserable than almost any other in world football this season, for the past few seasons in fact. Dortmund now have to face Real Madrid in the final and whilst I think they could have won against Bayern, they stand little chance against the 14-time champions. Basically, what I’m saying is that the image we all wanted of Marco Reus riding off into the sunset with the Champions League has all but gone because of Bayern. There’s nothing positive to say about Germany’s rekordmeister from this except for the fact that the season is over, so they don’t need to pick themselves up for any remaining games before the summer. They now need the right manager for 2024/25 and they preferably need to announce him soon, only then will Bayern truly be able to move on from the nightmare that was this game.
Bayer Leverkusen 2-2 Roma (4-2 aggregate) – Europa League Semi-Final
No, seriously, how do they keep doing this? It feels like no matter what situation they find themselves in, they have black magic that allows them to avoid defeat. The match had started in quite a normal way for Bayer Leverkusen, even without Florian Wirtz and Robert Andrich, they were defensively solid and outshooting their guests 17-4. However, a plot twist would come when the side from the Italian capital were given a penalty in the 43rd minute, Leverkusen loanee Sardar Azmoun being brought down by Jonathan Tah, Leandro Paredes would step up and convert against back-up/cup keeper Matěj Kovář. Again Leverkusen went onto the front foot in the second half, but they gave away another penalty just past the hour mark, this time handball committed by Adam Hložek. As if we were witnessing déjà vu, Paredes would step up and score against his Czech opponent.
For most teams, going 2-0 down is bad, but Leverkusen have been in this position so many times, and seen their unbeaten run threatened so many times that it’s hard to know if they were even concerned. They had been on the front foot for most of the game, they just needed to be more clinical and less penalty-prone. Die Werkself were probably a bit more concerned by the 81st minute, still down by the same scoreline, not only was their invincible season under threat, but they were also going to be forced to play extra time. Neither of those things would happen though. In the 82nd minute, Gianluca Mancini would turn a corner into his own net, and once again, Leverkusen would rescue their run in the closing stages of the game, 97 minutes on the clock when Josip Stanišić cut inside the Roma defence and found the bottom corner. That would prove to be the last kick of the game. Bayer Leverkusen not only advanced to the Europa League final with this draw, they are also unbeaten in 49 in all competitions, breaking the record of the immortal Benfica side of 1963-65 to set the longest undefeated run in the history of European football.
I’ve truly run out of words to describe this side and I think most other people have as well. No matter what the circumstances are, Bayer Leverkusen are always able to find something to keep their undefeated record alive. It’s a testament to everyone at the club, but particularly Xabi Alonso for how he has adapted the mentality of this side into what we see today. We truly are watching one of the best teams in football history and one of the best seasons the sport has ever seen. No matter what happens over the final four games of 2023/24 (one of which is against a very good Atalanta side in the Europa League final), this Leverkusen side will be remembered by fans for as long as football continues to exist.
Going Deutsch 
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